As someone who has moved and uprooted several times in my life, I’ve now had to rebuild my social circle several times from scratch. In doing so, I have become rather experienced at networking so I thought I’d share some tips.
1. Find your tribe
This is a seemingly obvious tip which makes a world of difference. You must find your tribe. In order to do this, you must know where to look. Who are your people? Who do you seem to instantly click with?
Perhaps its homesteaders, right-wingers, hippies, homeschoolers, Pagans, traditional Catholics, musicians, scholars, or some combination of these. Or, perhaps you’re an insufferable leftist who instantly seems to click with others who constantly slander Western civilization! The point is, meeting people with fundamental values you agree on makes networking both easier and actually worthwhile. Besides, why not focus on befriending those who are fundamental allies?
2. Focus on those who take initiative
Often, we focus our networking efforts on those who are mostly uninterested in reciprocating the effort. Instead, we should be putting our energy towards people who are more proactive in forwarding a relationship. This will result in a much more efficient use of your time and better results.
3. Don’t spread yourself too thin
When at a conference, party or social gathering, you may have the urge to meet and introduce yourself to as many people as possible at the event. However, in doing so, you are spreading yourself too thin and ultimately making each interaction more shallow.
At social events, it is better to focus your efforts on 1-3 individuals with whom you have the best chemistry with. By going deeper into conversation with these select few, you will ultimately build more meaningful rapport. This will be a more solid foundation to build a long-term relationship on.
4. Logistics, Logistics, Logistics
When you’re at a social event, people will inevitably be coming and going. Perhaps a group will be meeting up at pub later, perhaps someone has to leave early, or perhaps everyone needs to split up for whatever reason.
Take initiative on the logistics so that no fundamental errors are made. Did you make sure to get that certain person’s phone number or email before they left? Did you make sure to double check which pub that group was going to after? Do you have spare time the morning after the event to organize a coffee with someone?
Logistical errors and oversights and can result in the loss of countless potential connections.
5. Send periodic messages to stay in touch
So, you’ve just met someone at an event and probably won’t see them again for some time… Now what? Send them occasional messages to stay in touch.
These little messages go a long way: they keep you two connected through a respite, build additional rapport and demonstrate a willingness to continue the relationship forward. The messages could be anything ranging from happy birthday/ holiday messages, funny memes or any content relevant to your shared interests.
Even better than a message is a phone call or voice chat.
6. If you can’t get their contact info, get their name
Getting the contact information of every single person you meet who you find mildly interesting is superfluous. However, exchanging names is not, and it’s a great way to get the foot in the door.
If you ever have an interesting interaction with someone – no matter how short – try and exchange names. Should you ever meet the person again at some point in the future, just the mere fact that you’ve exchanged names will make it much easier to move forward with a relationship.
7. Don’t ignore those below you
As social creatures we have a tendency to want to network up social hierarchies. Perhaps you want to befriend someone who is the highest profile person in a particular community, or perhaps you want to move up a social ladder.
By thinking in these terms, we tend to ignore those who our equals, those who are below us in a social hierarchy or newcomers to particular circles. Nonetheless, these are the relationships which are most likely to flourish, and you never know how people may evolve over time.
While it is nice to know influential people, it is not necessary to know these types of people in order to have a strong social network. Higher-profile relationships can come with time naturally, so there is no need to force things.
8. Local beats non-local
Going to events outside your area can be great or even necessary should you live in a small town or have a particular set of interests. However, networking in events as local as possible tends to yield better results. It is simply far easier to maintain long-term relationships when you live close to your friends.
9. One liners go a long way
In many social situations, you don’t have the time to go deep into conversation to know someone on a personal level. Perhaps you are interacting with someone at work, or perhaps there is a large group of people socializing.
In these cases, quick funny one-liners relevant to the context and conversation are priceless. Practice working on your wit – banter with your mates is great for this. Remember, not every joke lands, so being funny inevitably comes with the baggage of having some jokes flop. Don’t worry about it.
10. Projects trump conversations
Humans are creative beings. If our relationship-building is reduced to mere talking and conversing, then we are bound to have shallower connections. However, if you create something of value with someone, you have a bond for life.
Experienced musicians know this feeling. It’s the distinct bond that is created when they are in synchronous collaboration with one another musician. Perhaps you wrote a song with another, or perhaps you played an epic concert together. The fact that there was a collaborative process of creation means your relationship has deepened to another level.
11. Become interesting
No one has a deep desire to build a close relationship with a boring, awkward, uninteresting slob. A man should be valuable. What do you have to offer the conversation or relationship? Have you accomplished anything in your life, do you have some unique insights, good stories, or at the very least – are you fun to be around? Being well-read helps, being funny helps. You don’t need to be all these things but you need to be something. Would others feel sheepish about introducing you to their high-status friends? If so, that’s a sign you should work on yourself.